A Guide on How to Survive Holidays with Grace and Good Cheer, Part II

The holidays can be a minefield for anyone in recovery from an eating disorder. But sometimes, the most difficult part of these gatherings isn’t just the food—it’s the people who unintentionally (or intentionally) say or do things that perpetuate diet culture and body shame.

This guide isn’t for those of us in recovery. It’s for the people who contribute to the stress of navigating food and body image during the holidays. If you recognize yourself in the descriptions below, take this as an opportunity to reflect and grow.

The Body Commentator

This person greets you with a hug, followed by, “Oh honey, have you lost weight? You look amazing!” Or, worse, they’ll comment on weight gain and offer unsolicited advice like, “You should try Pilates—it worked wonders for me!”

Dear Body Commentator: Stop. Just stop. No one needs your opinion on their body, and commenting on someone’s weight—whether gain or loss—is rude. Associating thinness with health and fatness with laziness is not only wrong but harmful.

Take a moment to educate yourself on concepts like Health at Every Size (HAES) and understand that health is about behaviors, not appearances. So instead of making inappropriate remarks, enjoy your wine and keep your opinions to yourself.

The Play-by-Play Guy

This person tracks every bite you take: “Is that your third helping of mashed potatoes?” “Why didn’t you try the corn pudding?” “Room for dessert after all that turkey?”

Dear Play-by-Play Guy: Enough. If you knew the mental energy it takes to navigate an eating disorder, you’d think twice before adding to the stress. Your commentary is unhelpful, invasive, and adds unnecessary discomfort to an already challenging situation.

Please, for everyone’s sake, stop keeping score of what others eat.

The Dieter

“I’m on this amazing new diet! Let me tell you all about it!” Every family gathering features this person, eager to share their latest keto, paleo, or raw food journey, as if everyone else desperately needs to know.

Dear Dieter: Diets don’t make you morally superior, and your weight loss isn’t the centerpiece of the holiday gathering. While society pushes the idea that thinness equals value, this is simply untrue—and damaging.

Instead of obsessing over diets, consider exploring intuitive eating and fostering a positive relationship with food. You’ll find more joy in life when it’s not dictated by arbitrary rules.

The “Healthy” Helper

This person’s contribution to the meal is a platter of unsalted, steamed broccoli or a “dessert” of plain strawberries with mint. They might warn you about the saturated fats in the gravy or suggest you skip buttering your roll.

Dear “Healthy” Helper: Unless someone asked for your advice, keep it to yourself. Food is central to celebration and culture, and no one needs a lecture about their plate. Trust others to self-regulate and focus on enjoying the meal rather than policing it.

Remember: No single food is “good” or “bad.” Food is fuel, and its purpose goes beyond nutritional value—it’s about connection, tradition, and joy.

The Weight Watcher

This person is hyper-focused on everyone’s appearance, often commenting on weight gain or loss. They might even ask inappropriate questions like, “Are you pregnant?” or comment on how someone “looks amazing” after losing weight, without considering the circumstances behind it.

Dear Weight Watcher: Bodies change for countless reasons—stress, illness, grief, hormones—and pointing it out is not helpful. Complimenting weight loss can be especially harmful, as it often overlooks the reality of someone’s health.

For example, weight loss due to an eating disorder or illness is not a “success” to celebrate. Before you comment, ask yourself: Does this truly need to be said? (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

The Person Who’s “So Bad”

We all know this person. They’ll grab a second helping of dessert and announce, “I’m being so bad!” as if enjoying food is a moral failing.

Dear “So Bad”: Just eat your food without commentary. Food isn’t “bad,” and you don’t need external validation to enjoy it. Working on your relationship with food will make gatherings more enjoyable for you and everyone around you.

A Final Note

To everyone who sees themselves in these descriptions: 2020 (and beyond) has been a time of reflection and growth for many of us. If you recognize unhelpful behaviors in yourself, take this as an opportunity to challenge your beliefs about food, body image, and diet culture.

Let’s create spaces where people—especially those in recovery—can enjoy holiday gatherings without shame or judgment. Imagine a life free from weight stigma and food morality, where health is defined by balance and well-being, not the number on a scale.

That’s the gift I wish for everyone this holiday season.